The Style Invitational contest Week 893 Give us a hint
Saturday, November 6, 2010; C02
As you can gather from the
length of most of today's losing entries, the Empress tends to think that short
is good. (Which is handy for her, considering her own sub-Amazonian stature.)
Back in 2006 we did a contest for six-word stories (winner: "They suck,
Pete Best consoled himself," by Mike Levy of Silver Spring). This week
we're going to be a bit more expansive -- up to 25 words -- as in the new
anthology "Hint Fiction" by Robert Swartwood. Named because the
minimal stories only suggest a plot that the reader has to fill in for himself
-- reading between the line, you might call it -- "Hint Fiction" is
composed mostly of tale-lets that tend toward the macabre or violent or
depressing. For example: "Houston, We Have a Problem," by J. Matthew
Zoss: "I'm sorry, but there's not enough air in here for everyone. I'll
tell them you were a hero."
We, of course, will shoot for
funny.
This week: Write a humorously witty story
in 25 words or fewer. It doesn't have to be fiction, but it should be a
narrative, not just a funny musing. A title, if you include one, or a fake
attribution won't count toward the 25 words.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins this fine play set of
U.S.A. vs. Commies, which will help your children learn to eliminate the Red
Scourge. Donated by Russell Beland.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser
Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener"
(Fir Stink for their first ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your
entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, Nov. 15. Put "Week 893" in the subject line of your e-mail,
or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone
number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and
originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries
may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published Dec. 4. No purchase
required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate
relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be
disqualified. This week's contest was suggested by Brendan O'Byrne of Regina,
Saskatchewan. The revised title for next week's results is by Beverley Sharp;
the honorable-mentions subhead is by Dave Prevar.
Report from Week 889: Our annual Tour de Fours contest, in which we ask you
to coin a word containing a solid block of four given letters (this year they
were P, O, L and E) in any order: Have we ever
mentioned that one Chris Doyle of Ponder, Tex., is pretty good at this contest?
The winner of the Inker
Gestapolemics:
Calling your political opponents Nazis. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
2. winner of the dog toy in
the shape of a bikini-wearing chicken body:
Pelosiraptor: A fierce
ancient beast, not yet quite extinct. (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)
3. Googooplex: A enormous
day-care center. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
4. CEOplug: When pulled, it
often releases a golden parachute. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
POLE sitters: Honorable mentions
Alpoetry: Dog food that sets
off a Rin-Tin-Tinnabulation with its swell, sweet, grilled-swill smell. (Ellen
Raphaeli, Falls Church)
Trumpole: An English
barrister with an even sillier wig than his colleagues'. (Edmund Conti,
Raleigh, N.C.)
Polecatastrophe: A date with
someone who didn't use deodorant. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
Teleportapotty: The holy
grail of waste disposal technology. (Erik Wennstrom, Bloomington, Ind.)
Napoleonsis complex: The
tendency to compensate for shortcomings by acquiring sports teams. (Craig
Dykstra, Centreville)
Slop-etiquette: Rules for
feeding at the federal pork barrel. "Slop-etiquette requires that
Appropriations Committee members line up first." (Ira Allen, Bethesda)
Dopeleganger: A dork who
looks just like you. (Roy Ashley, Washington; Christopher Lamora, Guatemala
City)
Narcolepigram: A long, boring
saying. (David Kleinbard, Jersey City)
Nincompeople: To Fox News
watchers, everyone on MSNBC, and vice versa. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase)
Osteoplump:
"Big-boned." (Chris Doyle)
Apoplectric: Blowing a fuse.
(Kevin Dopart)
Poel: Christmas during the
recession. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
Dactylopejorative:
Hoity-toity word for the one-finger salute. (Chris Doyle)
Kelpo: The new seaweed diet
for PETA pets. (Elizabeth Dere, Annandale, a First Offender)
Feelops: The airport security
squad in charge of giving pat-downs. (John O'Byrne, Dublin)
Beatlepontiff:
Pope John Paul George Ringo. (Chris Doyle)
Poleyps: unfortunate ailment
developed by exotic dancers. (Frank and Cindy Curry, Bruceton Mills, W.Va.)
HopeLOL: Republican campaign
slogan. (Edmund Conti)
Drooplessness: A
concern four hours after taking Cialis. (Chris Doyle)
Temple-oath:
First, do no ham. (Chris Doyle)
Oculopeel: To
undress with the eyes. (Chris Doyle)
Casserolepia: Constellation
that remains stationary over the Midwest. (Christopher Lamora)
Anvilope: A
mailman's nightmare. (Chris Doyle)
Encyclopediass: A
know-it-all. (Tom Witte)
And last: Brothelponder: The best little whorehouse in Texas (trust
me on this). (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Next week: Double teaming, or Lions + Tigers + Bears